


The Back Door//EJWL

by ButWhosCounting



Category: The Code (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Difficult Decisions, F/F, Healing, Post-Canon, Story within a Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButWhosCounting/pseuds/ButWhosCounting
Summary: “I’m holding the back door open for you,” she answered quietly.“What are you trying to say? Are…are you saying you want to break up?”“No. What I’m saying is…” she blinked back tears, “I’m giving you permission to walk away, if that’s what you want. I wouldn’t think any less of you if you chose to slip out the back door without a single glance behind you. I messed up. And there are consequences for that.”===============================Maya is faced with a difficult decision.
Relationships: Maya Dobbins & Harper Li
Kudos: 1





	The Back Door//EJWL

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

Eden was born on a warm Tuesday afternoon in March of the year 2020 at VA Medical Center in Washington, DC, weighing seven pounds, eight ounces. She was conceived three days before Harper broke up with Bard.

Six months earlier, on a cool Monday morning in September at the JAG offices in Quantico, Maya walked into her office to find her coffee order in a venti-sized disposable cup perched on her desk. Harper always brought Maya coffee from their favorite café on base and left it on her desk on Monday mornings, and yet she was still powerless against the goofy grin that hijacked the muscles on her face. She turned the cup around, searching for Harper’s signature sloppy hand-drawn heart in red Sharpie, but there were words written in black ballpoint pen instead. _Meet me at our spot at 7pm tonight -H._ Maya squinted at it, puzzled. Throughout the rest of her workday, she imagined a dozen scenarios that could play out that evening on the dock overlooking the Potomac River at Quantico Municipal Park...most of them of the worst-case sort. A break-up? A terminal illness? A transfer to another base? She finally texted Harper, _-Should I be worried?-_ unable to keep speculating and desperate for some reassurance. _-We’ll talk later this evening-_ , Harper reiterated in her texted reply.

Harper was already waiting on the dock when Maya arrived. She was still sporting her uniform and had her back turned, facing out toward the ripples of late evening light on the water. The air around them was still, the only sound to be heard was the accelerating beat of her own heart and her own reluctant footsteps on the wooden planks as she approached Harper. Harper’s head turned to look over her shoulder, revealing a stoic side-profile.

“Hey,” she greeted quietly.

“Hi,” Maya gulped.

Harper began walking over to a south-facing bench and Maya followed. They sat down and gazed over the water. The silence was suffocating. Maya had an overwhelming desire to freeze that moment in time, to prevent whatever bad news from being uttered, bad news that would surely shatter the bliss of the last thirty days of her life. The other half of her brain silently pleaded with Harper to get it over with and put her out of her own misery. Finally, she saw her open her mouth out of the corner of her eye.

“Do you remember when I got food poisoning the day after our first date?” Harper questioned softly, turning her head to look back at Maya. Their eyes met briefly before Maya’s eyes darted to the side under eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Umm…are you kidding me? Of course I remember. You couldn’t keep anything down for three days,” she rambled nervously. “Somehow in your misery you still managed to convince me—with your amazing lawyering skills might I add—not to sue that shady restaurant.” The corners of her lips perked up slightly before the gravity of Harper’s words dragged them down. “Why are you bringing this up now?” She probed, her voice heavy with dread.

“Well…” Harper fidgeted with the hem of her blouse, “that’s not the only time I’ve been sick recently.”

“What do you mean?”

Harper exhaled as her shoulders slumped over. “It started happening at SERE School. I thought it was just from the stress, but then it just kept on happening. It’s gotten better…I feel better now but…” she murmured haltingly. “Since you got transferred to another CO, it’s been easier to hide it from you.”

Maya’s stomach clenched and her forehead creased. “Hide what from me? Harper…what’s going on?”

Harper shook her head and let out a breath. “Looking back now, I don’t know how I was so blind to all the signs. They say it’s different for everyone, though.”

“What is it, Harper,” Maya uttered, her words coming out as more a demand than a question. “What—are you terminally ill? Are you dying? Just tell me.”

“I’m not dying,” Harper said quickly, appearing to be speaking to her shoes. She seemingly forced her head to turn in Maya’s direction, their eyes locking. “I’m pregnant. Thirteen weeks.”

Maya quickly shook her head. “That can’t be right. It’s next to impossible to get pregnant with an IUD.”

“Not when your IUD is expired,” Harper corrected softly, looking down at her folded hands in her lap. “I consulted a Gynecologist. She told me that IUDs begin to lose their effectiveness once they pass their expiration date.” She bit the corner of her lip before continuing. “Mine expired sometime last year.” Maya blew air from her lips and ran a hand through her own hair. “In the craziness of this past year, what with graduating from OCS and starting my work in Quantico, I—” she blurted out, raising her shoulders, “I forgot to make an appointment to get it removed and replaced.”

“I see,” Maya forced out, as she slowly leaned back into the bench. Of the dozen or so worst-case scenarios she had come up with earlier, this one had failed to materialize in her anxious, ruminating mind. Maybe that was because she typically didn’t consider pregnancy to be a worst-case scenario. Like Harper, her mind had also failed to read the signs. The fatigue…or how she had suddenly stopped ordering wine on their dates…or the way her attention would drift off occasionally when Maya was talking, before she’d smile apologetically and ask Maya to repeat herself. She quietly did the math in her head, counting backwards from 13 weeks. Harper watched her as she finished counting and realization bloomed on her face.

“Bard,” Harper confirmed, answering the question on Maya’s face. “Exactly three days before I broke up with him. We just happened to run out of condoms.” Maya was silent, her brain and her mouth disconnected at that point. “I told him after the third pregnancy test came up positive, about two weeks ago.”

Maya gaped at her. “You waited two weeks before telling me you were pregnant,” she breathed in disbelief. “Don’t you think that’s a minor detail that, I dunno, maybe you _shouldn’t_ withhold from the person you’re dating?”

“I know, and I’m so sorry. I…didn’t know what I wanted, yet. Neither did he. Not until yesterday, when we went to the VA for an ultrasound…and we made up our minds.” A single tear rolled down her cheek. “This fetus—this _baby_ …is strong, healthy and growing beautifully… Somehow it endured the hectic pace of my life as a JA—the SERE training, the trips oversees…my slight obsession with caffeine and wine.” This last comment was followed by an awkward grimace. “This baby is a total badass, obviously,” she smiled softly. “This baby wants to live. I— _we_ —want to give it life.”

Maya nodded silently, scraping together a touch of a smile. “I’m happy for you, Harper. And it’s not surprising…the _badass-ness_ , that is. It’s an inherited trait. And it sure as hell didn’t come from Bard.”

Harper chuckled and wiped her eyes. “Thanks.”

“So are you…getting back together with him?”

Harper shook her head as she played with a bracelet on her wrist. “No. Bard and Brandy are really happy together. And I’m—” She paused, looking back up at Maya, tucking away the next set of words before they could reach her lips. “We’re going to split custody,” she informed her. “We’ll trade off each week.”

“Where does this leave us, Harper?” Maya questioned, verbalizing the words that had been hanging loosely in the space between them for the past several minutes, waiting to be spoken.

Pain tainted Harper’s features and her eyes filled with tears as she seemingly wracked her brain for the right response to the loaded question. Several seconds passed before she presented an answer. “I’m holding the back door open for you,” she answered quietly. Maya waited for her to expound on her cryptic response, but her girlfriend’s lips remained sealed.

“What are you trying to say? Are…are you saying you want to break up?”

Harper shifted her body to face Maya’s and Maya followed suit. The brunette’s eyes embodied sadness. “No. What I’m saying is…” she blinked back tears, “I’m giving you permission to walk away, if that’s what you want. I wouldn’t think any less of you if you chose to slip out the back door without a single glance behind you. I messed up. And there are consequences for that.”

“Do you want me to walk away?”

Suddenly, the sun peaked out from behind a cluster of trees on the shore and started to set on the horizon, temporarily illuminating Harper’s features with the soft glow of its rays. Her dark eyes shimmered with unshed tears and a golden light that ignited a fiery, burning determination and resolve within them.

“I dunno, Maya… You tell me.” She fixed her fiery eyes on Maya’s. “Because…if you have even the _tiniest_ grain of doubt about staying…then my answer is a resounding yes.” She looked down at her belly. “It’s not just me that you have to factor in with your decision. There’s a tiny human being growing in here,” she murmured with a hint of a smile as she placed a hand over it. “We’re a packaged deal now.” She looked back up, fixing Maya with an intense, unflinching gaze once again. “A commitment to _me_ is also a commitment to this child. And,” she took a deep breath and slowly let it out before resuming, “I won’t tolerate potential parental figures waltzing in and out my child’s life. I won’t have my child growing up with only vague memories of a blue-eyed woman feeding them and changing their diapers and singing them to sleep at night. I won’t put this child through any additional instability.” She took Maya’s hand. “I need you to know, Maya,” she stressed. “I need you to _know_ beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what you want. And if you decide to leave today, there is no going back on your decision. I’m locking the door behind me. Understand?”

Maya nodded slowly as Harper released her from her gaze and let go of her hand. “Of _course_ ,” she answered sincerely. “Not only do I understand, but I respect and appreciate where you’re coming from. I respect your commitment to providing a stable life for your child. I really do. But…I can’t make a decision today. I need more time.”

Harper looked on sadly. “That’s fair. How much time are you needing?”

Maya exhaled and shrugged. “I don’t know, Harper. This is kind of a big deal. I think I’ll need a few days.”

She nodded solemnly. “Okay.” The two of them watched a flock of birds fly low over the water. Harper pulled her phone out of her purse and checked the time. “I should be going. I’ve got some phone calls to make.” Maya watched her stand up and sling her purse over her shoulder. “Talk to you soon, okay?” She reached down and touched Maya’s cheek, giving her a sad half-smile before turning around and walking down the dock toward the shore.

Maya watched her silhouette grow smaller in the dusk light before it rounded a corner and disappeared completely. “Okay,” she answered.

In the hours that followed, Maya came up with dozens of reasons why she should walk away. Why it was irresponsible to even consider making this kind of commitment to Harper and her unborn child after having only dated her for a month.

With the exception of Harper and Matty, she had never told anyone her shameful secret. The first time she had dared to utter the words _I can’t bear children_ was five days before her husband left her. He had _really_ wanted children, apparently. Maya discovered she wanted children as well, but only after she learned that she was incapable of carrying and birthing her own. In the decade following the divorce, she was a serial-dater and had one night stands down to an art. She mastered cutting anyone off before they could get too close. She expertly rejected them before they had a chance to reject her once they learned that she was broken. Defective. That something so innate to the female species happened to be the one mountain in her life that she failed to conquer. When she uttered these four words to Harper a month ago during a conversation about her divorce; instead of increasing the distance between them, Harper closed it by taking Maya into her arms without an ounce of hesitation.

That night, Maya lay in her bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling as she replayed highlights from the last two months she spent with Harper from start to finish, as if it were a film. The film always began with Harper’s surprised, tear and mascara stained face looking up at Maya from where she was perched on that cold tile floor of the women’s restroom, her back against the wall as she hugged her knees to her chest. It also ended with Harper’s face, mesmerizing as golden sunlight saturated her skin, her eyes ablaze with love and a sense of protection and responsibility for the lemon-sized human that grew inside of her. Maya had grown to love the star of this film; this young woman and her passionate spirit, kind heart, and brilliant mind. It was 1:44am when she made her decision.

It was 2:09am when Maya knocked on Harper’s front door. No answer. She tried again. She was about ten steps away when she heard the doorknob turn slowly and quickly strode back to meet Harper’s pajama-clad figure in the doorway. Her face was blotchy, nose red, and a single tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek. Her eyes were empty. Where flame once burned, only traces of smoke lingered.

“Sweetheart,” Maya murmured soothingly, reaching out and lightly brushing the tear away with her thumb, “what’s wrong?” Another tear fell.

“You’re leaving me,” Harper whimpered softly.

Maya ducked her head in an attempt to meet Harper’s downcast eyes. “Where in the world did you get _that_ silly idea?” She lifted Harper’s chin with her finger so that their eyes met and smiled at her reassuringly.

Harper gawked, her eyes slowly widening. “Can you repeat what you just said?”

“Close the back door. I’m _staying_ , Harper.” More tears flooded Harper’s eyes. She threw her arms around Maya. “Are you sure this is what you want?” She whispered cautiously.

“I’ve _never_ been so sure of anything in my life,” Maya whispered back, her tone resolute and unwavering as she held the other woman tightly. She pulled away and took Harper’s face into her hands. “I’ve never _wanted_ anything more in my life. I want _you_ ,” she asserted softly, before kneeling down on the floor and putting her palms on her girlfriend’s hint of a baby-bump and placing a kiss there. “And her,” she concluded.

Harper chuckled through her tears. “So you’re a psychic now, huh?”

“No,” Maya shrugged as she stood back up, “just thought _her_ sounded better than _it_ , you know?”

“Good point.”

Maya took Harper’s hands and smiled at her lovingly. Harper returned her smile. “You’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere.” She closed the distance between them, cupping her cheek and kissing her softly before taking her back into her arms. “I’m here to stay.”

Eden was born on a Tuesday afternoon in March of the year 2020. She wanted to live, and the people surrounding her during the first moments of her existence were ready to give her life.

Bard gently returned the sleeping newborn baby to her mother’s arms. He placed a gentle kiss to his daughter’s tiny forehead before turning around and walking into Brandy’s outstretched arms.

“You ready to hold your daughter?” Harper asked softly, her smile joyful but exhausted as she shifted to cradle Eden in one hand, before taking Maya’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

Maya’s heart leapt. Unable to form words with her mouth, she simply nodded.

“We’ll give you three some time alone,” Bard spoke, reading the room.

“Thanks,” Harper smiled at him gratefully.

Bard nodded, taking his fiancé's hand and turning to leave.

“Sorry to interrupt, Miss Li,” one of the nurses said, passing Bard and Brandy on their way out as she walked over to the foot of the bed, “but can I get the first and last name for your daughter’s birth certificate?”

“Oh, right.” The new mother provided the names and spellings that she and Bard had agreed on.

“Did you also want to include a middle name?”

Harper nodded, turning to give her partner a long look before directing her gaze to her daughter’s face. “Jean,” she answered, spelling the name as she traced her finger down Eden’s cheek.

Maya’s mouth fell open.

The nurse smiled, thanking Harper before she walked away.

“Harper…” Maya whispered.

“It’s okay, love. Bard and I already discussed it.”

“Harper, you didn’t have to—”

“It’s already on the birth certificate, Maya, and I refuse to taint our daughter’s first official document with white-out.”

“Okay,” she murmured, feeling a lump of emotion well up in her throat.

“You ready?” Harper asked eagerly, adjusting her hand to cradle Eden’s head before slowly lifting her. Maya sat closer to her and held out her arms. “Meet your mom, Eden,” she whispered excitedly as she passed her off to Maya. Maya gasped softly as all 7.8 pounds and 19 inches of this tiny new life, her _daughter_ , sank into the cradle of her arms and staked claim to her heart.

“Hi, Eden,” she whispered, her insides singing and her smile impossibly wide as she drank in the sight before her. The decade-old permafrost on her heart began to thaw. “I’m a mother,” she breathed, looking up at her partner.

Harper’s smile mirrored her own and her eyes sparkled and glistened with tears of joy. “That’s right,” she responded softly. “And you’re going to be an amazing one, too.”

Maya secured Eden against her chest as she leaned in and kissed Harper. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Do you mind if I just…” she looked down at Eden before nodding to the floor-to-ceiling window on the far side of the room.

“Go,” Harper smiled softly at her as she leaned back into her bed. “Take as long as you need, I’m not going anywhere.”

Maya flashed her a warm look before she slowly stood up with Eden. She strolled silently to the window, never taking her eyes off the newborn. She finally looked up at the DC horizon below, feeling the last remnants of the pain of her past fade entirely. None of it mattered anymore; she had a job to do. She had a tiny human to love, to raise, to protect…a child that shared not a single strand of DNA with Maya, but had part of her name and part of her heart. The two most important people in her life owned equal parts of her heart and soul, leaving no room for the past to occupy its depths.

She looked down when she felt Eden stir in her arms. The newborn yawned and blinked slowly up at her, before studying her with dark, inquisitive eyes. “Hey, sleepyhead,” Maya greeted, smiling down at her as tears pricked her eyes. _Are you in it for the long-haul or what?_ Eden’s questioning gaze seemingly asked. Maya chuckled as a tear ran down her cheek. “ _Yes…_ ” she answered resolutely. “You’re stuck with me, Munchkin.” She leaned down and pressed her lips to her daughter’s forehead. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> About halfway through writing "Here to Stay" I decided that Maya and Eden would share a middle name and Jean was honestly the first name that popped into my head, so there it was. Towards the end of writing HTS I decided that Maya-Jean had a nice ring to it and built a tiny backstory around her first name. Her mother was Emily-Jean, and her mother (Maya's grandmother) was Mary-Jean, so Maya's name origin was simply part of a tradition. Maya HATED her name growing up and insisted that everyone call her Maya. Her mother always got away with calling her by her given name though. 
> 
> After Maya's mother died, in her devastation she tried to legally shorten her name several times. Each time she could never bring herself to go through with it. Her legal first name still remains Maya-Jean to this day, but she still puts 'Maya' on any non-legal documents, because after all, she still hates how it sounds. Now, very few people know about her first name. 
> 
> Harper knew all about the personal meaning and significance this name had to Maya and her family, so she chose it to be Eden's middle name to honor Maya, and her late mother and grandmother. Harper occasionally uses Maya's full first name when she's really annoyed with her.


End file.
